Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
