oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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