I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize