where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
