I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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