oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
