The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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