whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
