he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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