He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
