I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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