My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
