I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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