i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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