My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
