Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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