The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
