you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
