there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
