I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
