i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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