The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
