the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Welp...herpes.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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