I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
