We won't sleep together?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
