Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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