we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize