worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
