Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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