drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
