you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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