Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
