Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
