I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
