you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
