here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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