Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
