This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
