those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize