I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
