How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
