Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just gargled with NyQuil
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
