sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
