I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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