She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
