Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
