we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
