I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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