i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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