"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
