At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
