My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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