rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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