All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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