Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
