My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
