That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This toilet bowl is my home.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize