She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
