I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am naked and annoyed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
