so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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