i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
