He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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