Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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