Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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