And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
